• 62755.15
• 
• nika
• Saturday, 04 February 2012 1:12:33 GMT

Jimmy, hard work is

not too often valued unfortunately...i've been there and done that before where you are now; busting my ass and not getting anything apart from maybe a few nice empty words... while it is right saying that we don't live to work, in the end you do spend most of your adult life doing your job. You spend more time with it than with your family or partner, so it is very important to get that sorted otherwise it will get you down and no hobbies or exercise will help the depressed state which it causes in you in the long run.

You must be careful with working long hours...I see many people in our office doing that too and no matter how smart they are (and working hard) they definitely not treated seriously or even if they are, they aren't the ones that are being promoted or being rewarded.

You need to learn to say no. You need to sit down and talk to your boss and not always agree with him. Expressing your needs (in a professional manner) will make them not wanting to walk all over you. Shell is right about not throwing the toys out of the pram - that will just cause them to gossip, laugh at you or make you feel excluded in the office social circles ...I do have a temper too, so I can relate to that and while I would not have the tiniest problem to be a down right bitch and tell people to fuck off or cut them out (cause IMHO life is way too short for shit, small or big) in an office environment you can't and shouldn't do that. You are with those people 35-40 hours a week, so unless you are prepared to get up and leave anytime soon, I’d rather bite the bullet on the temper tantrum no matter how right you actually are. If you wanna leave then let it loose on them dude and enjoy by no means!

I'd say give it a few months and try to change your attitude step by step. Your attitude towards yourself. Cause from what you said there it’s obvious that you have to start to put urself first. Sit down with your boss and politely have a chat with him/her about your wants/needs/situation. Make an effort to stand up at 6 PM on some days of the week and leave even if you had some work left over…if it’s a very deadline focused job (projects et all) then do tell your supervisor about the fact that it requires more input than the normal hours. Don't fool yourself into the thought that just because they see you sending emails at 9 pm they will think how hard Jimmy works or it will sink in for them and will trigger appreciation..tell them! even if you just mention it as a fact and not as a complaint or u just include it into your report.

as for the newbie slagging..I can't stand people who bully others and then conveniently say that ‘oh, it's a bit of slagging and u can’t take a joke’..yada yada yada..Fuck that. That is my friend called bullying, the most coward kind, especially if you expressed it before that you weren't comfortable with it even if it was a "joke".
I wouldn't necessarily confront them about this or tell them how you feel about it unless the people you work with are actually nice and do not hang out in cliques in which you don't belong to because if they do it will just have the similar effects as throwing the toys out of the pram. Also I find that most of the time when these people are told/asked nicely to stop because it actually hurts one's feeling, they actually do not have the I.Q. to grab that concept at all (because ‘OMG it’s a joke’), so you’re just wasting your time...I would do the exact same thing to them dude..find their weak point (very easy thing to do, just observe, engage and listen) and just 'joke' (of course in the limits of not being rude or vicious and not saying anything that could be used against you..)...get creative with learning how to aim a good sting and drive it in.. it is doable without getting any actual dirt on yourself...I can assure you after a few hits they will shut up. Ignoring it can work as well, though that is not a rule of thumb in my experience and it really depends on the people.

Also, most important lesson I’ve learnt is to NEVER give a flying fuck about what your co-workers think of you if you do this or do that, or how and what they talk about you during their coffee breaks. They are not ur close friends or family.It is true that people who shy away from ambition and taking care of themselves professionally will rarely get anywhere in life or will have to jump more hoops to get there (unless they are extremely talented, well connected or lucky). You don’t need to be a born competitive by nature or be cheeky (though cheeky does work and considered an asset). Ambition is a skill you can develop and you need to learn it for your OWN sake otherwise in ten year’s time you will still be sitting at that desk, maybe with a bit of a modest pay rise, keep telling to yourself that I’m not the ambitious type and that it’s fine...eventually you’ll get so comfortable with it that you will not know how to change it and it won’t even matter because by that stage and at that age u won’t even have guts to take the risks needed anyway. Take this form someone who is ambitious and loved competition by nature..Even for me it gets harder the older I get and I do believe if you don't work at it then it will slowly slip away..Don't get me wrong:you don’t need to go all Steve Jobs on ambition just limit it to what you want to achieve professionally for yourself, may it be a pay rise, opening a cake shop, or become a manager. Also don’t expect results to happen from one day to another. That alone equals failure. Getting a bit of ambition into you is more often a hit and miss game, but those misses will actually teach you the lessons you need. Just try to push yourself out of the comfort zone! little by little, in your own space.. It will be frustrating, it will be stressful, you will not want to do it but that is truly the only way forward. And yes, don’t have high expectations that people will love you for it. If someone stands out of the herd he/she will not be liked for it..i’m sure you know that too, it goes way back to the crèche playground times…but remember; you are not at work to get brownie points from your co-workers or be Mr. Office Popular..those are life goals that belong to high school..Always be nice to peeps, be as social as common/business sense would require (there is nothing wrong with getting on the good side of your boss, going up to them and initiate causal conversations..that is not called sucking up, it's called being strategic and nice), have the casual chat with them but mainly just do your job.

Once you start paying attention to how you might be perceived because of your competitive or ambitious nature, it will undermine your own confidence big time. Of course they will hate you for it! They are the people who’d die to get there,to be able to do it not just daydream about it, but they simply don’t have the guts, so all they are left are hate, gossip and jealousy…so just let them hate, gossip and to be jealous..those things never have gotten anyone anywhere

Sorry for the long post and for the opinion which might seem very cold-hearted and blunt but I did go through this before Jimmy and it took long to figure out the rules of the game……and while by all means I have NOT figured it out all, I’m more confident now with how I’m playing it…so I hope some of it will help...it’s sounds very clichéd and simple but it works..seriously, once you start focus on yourself you’ll get rid of loads of unnecessary stress…once you start working on how to improve things for yourself in your career you will find the appreciation in yourself FOR yourself and the confidence to start changing the playing field..you working hard is a noble thing and you should be proud of yourself but standing up for yourself and your goals is what will actually make you feel appreciated in front of yourself ....once you do that you know that you don't just do the talk (feeling down and telling people how bad it is) but you actually do the walk (trying your best to make a change)

just make sure not to give up if things not work out all rosy straight away..maybe you wont get a pay rise.. maybe the co-workers will not change, maybe you will need to think about getting a new job...and that is cool too,it will not be the end of the world, so don't let the little bumps take over..have a day of pity about it then get back into the ring

• 62755.16
• 
• O'know
• Wednesday, 08 February 2012 9:02:14 GMT

What you

must bear in mind is that when you consider the enormity of space and time, everything you have done or could possibly do is pointless - or indeed anything anyone has ever or will do is pointless. In fact in the scheme of things the entire accomplishments of man and all our predecessors is irrelevant.